just press the keys?
these days
feels like
im not playing the piano,
but the piano's playing me.
ARGH SADNESS FOREVERRRRRRZZZZZ.
8:50 PM
Saturday, June 28, 2008
GOOD MOVIESSO HARD TO COME BY THESE DAYS
MAYBE YOU SHOULD WATCH SOME OF THESE
Forever, the Moment
(우리 생애 최고의 순간, Uri saengae choego-ui sungan)
Malos Habitos (Bad Habits)
Vantage Point
11:35 PM
the world is a horror
but you've lived 20 years of it:
hang in there, all you june creatures-
VANAW, JIEJIE, MEIMEI, FELISURE
my lol-mates for the happier times
in life.
side note:
we went to GLOBAL SOUNDS CAFE-
great ambience for chillout,
wifi and powerpts for laptops,
VERY BAD FOOD.
http://www.globalsounds.com.sg/
sometimes it takes
plenty of wisdom,
maturity and an open heart
to be happy and
at peace with yourself.
maybe im still a kid.
10:27 PM
Thursday, June 26, 2008
always be very wearywhen dealing with
the kind
who uses the f word.
yes,
the most destructive, absurd
and ambiguous of words:
f for forever.
forever doesn't even count
as a word - the explanation for it
is just too obscure,
and the need for its clarification
has always been underrated.
somehow the promisor and promisee
of this "forever-ness"
hardly ever bother to
reconcile their ideas
of what the intention
behind this notion of "forever-ness"
truly is.
they take for this for granted
and
all hell breaks loose when
the inevitable oxymoron happens -
forever, ends.
forever, really is,
more of a suggestion,
or like, a hope,
just like some concept we throw in
to romanticise the otherwise
pretty mundane, and tragically difficult
reality.
there are some inherent problems
with this word that tries
to mean 'TILL THE END',
since
everyone has their own mental time lines,
so by end, do we mean
end of today,
end of next month,
end of your earthly existence,
end of your spiritual existence,
end of the moment till i still love you...
please don't give me end of time, because
when the heck is the end of time??
there are 2 generic categories
of users
1) Sincere but dumb:
they think they mean it, and due to
the lack of sufficient vocabulary
to express extreme attraction to
another party,
they resort, recklessly,
to using the f word.
they only realise that they
are incapable of living up to forever,
only when "forever", ends.
2) Intentionally deceitful but streetwise:
they find comfort in the ambiguity
and lack of contractual attachments to
the use of the word,
do it to gain temporary feelings of
affection and what nots.
they don't give excessive consideration
when deploying words like these,
since they have
no intention what so ever
to keep to it.
smart but screwed up people.
we were discussing about
marriage today
and it came down to
this:
the true test of love comes
when 2 people face the unromantic
day to day issues like
where to go for dinner,
who to pay the bills and which
tv channel to tune to.
it is not so much the forever-ness talks.
marriage is an instituition that
puts 2 people who
are/think they are/try to be
in love,
together
so that they can be virtually
around one another TOO much,
and at the same time
focus very hard on
not driving one another
insane with the disparities in lifestyle.
it is so easy to go wrong.
still, i am 20.
wish i didn't feel 47 and divorced.
12:11 AM
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
highlights of RUSSIA DUBAI trip!yes it is THIS GORGEOUS
will update full collection on TRAVELBUGGED soon.
and sometimes i think
im kinda insane
and then i look at my friends...
i likes avril the singing hole
think,
mayb LISATAN has been stalking me...
12:56 AM
Sunday, June 22, 2008
I JUST FLEW BACK FROMDUBAI AND RUSSIA
1) Russia is GORGEOUS/TOO BEAUTIFUL-
you must go.
2) Dubai is this consumerism
haven if you have several millions of
moneyzz like the local arabs-
vivocity+paragon+taka rolled into
one money-depleting nightmare. OMGZ.
and it is scorching like anything.
3) maybe i'm the coolest 20 year old
you know with MAYBE the best temp job around
4) shiz maybe you also despise me,
argh i need to stop being a walking
piece of humiliation RIGHT NOW.
5) i am going to do tourism and hospi
for my year 2 spec so maybe you can think
i am cool again
6) need to do laundry catch up
with civilisation soon
BYE
p/s: things only vary between
not shitty to freakinn shitty,
sometimes it all boils down
to just
the family and the dog.
the rest of the world
doesnt usually work out,
but we are always required to try.
10:10 AM
Monday, June 09, 2008
ANYWAYfingers are back
in business,
and Scarlatti is just
a big torment to my
psychomotor abilities.
sometimes i think Baroque's
a sick joke that dead men
planned to play on future people,
made us fall in love with
deceivingly easy pieces
and torture us with the
technical traps everywhere.
ARGH EXAMS BLUES ARGH ARGH.
and,
hate to sound like a cool girl
but am leading to russia and dubai
this friday
shiz i am a bag of nervousness
but plan to be adult about it
and pretend to be calm and
breathing good.
CROSS MY FINGERS X39084510
and and,
when it comes to this,
feels like a
vacant seat in a really
crowded train.
10:23 PM
Friday, June 06, 2008
at least5 times a day
i feel the urgent need
to just die.
and i really don't mean it
in the
i-am-suicidal-please-give-me-attention
way.
it always comes to me as a pragmatic,
almost convenient, suggestion.
and i always
take it as a valid possibility,
contemplating the systematic and
logical flow
of how it will be operated:
method, location, what to write
in my parting letter, how my
atheist, new-age funeral will look like..
if you cant help but want to
judge me
i will have you know that
i really don't think i have
a weaker spirit than most people,
and i also believe that i have
been blessed with a good enough life.
i am not unhappy 24 hours a day,
and this is not my juvenile rant.
this is me
coming to terms with my
my overwhelming
inability to like myself very much.
i am awfully aware that
all that i am is 20 years of
bad decisions.
i have run out of ways to
fix the mess that ive singlehandedly
created,
and sometimes i do
feel very tired
to perpetually be on defense mode.
it is also pathetic how
i am so fully responsible for the
tragedy that i am.
i have been too proud to
remove my facade of being ok.
i know that i have not
made good
what i was given.
still
it is never this easy.
because even as much as i want to see
death as a healthy option to
restarting life,
we were conditioned to believe
to see death a negative end.
it seems despicable to
want to die,
especially when we are told that
it is our
basic human instinct to
resist it.
by most calculations,
staging my on death still
runs some risks
due to the ambiguity of
what life after death will be.
i wont be taking action until
i am equipped to make an
informed decision.
till then,
it's back to this silly
tension of struggling to be alive
and resisting the temptation to die.
10:01 PM
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
the travelogue is not donebut at the rate we are going
it will never be!
HAHA
see the semi-done
@ thetravelbugged.wordpress.com
WE WILL KEEP UPDATING SORRYNEZZZZ
2:04 PM
Sunday, June 01, 2008
ajcsb EXfriendzz forevazz
talk about colour coordination
2:45 PM
